The maid of honor just puked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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