Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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