Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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