I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
