Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
