all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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