So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
