so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love you. Go after that dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
