I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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