I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
