We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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