Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
