btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
