I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
