Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
