I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
