please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
