We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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