I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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