woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think people are normalizing furries
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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