i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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