Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
