I could have mohawked her pubes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize