just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
