whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
