How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
