So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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