I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize