There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
