i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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