Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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