your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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