Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
