i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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