drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
