Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
