4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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