If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
