so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
