Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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