Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
