We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
