so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
