That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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