After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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