Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
