Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
