I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
