new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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