I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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