I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
