Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
