PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
