i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
