god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
