I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
