I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
