I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
