if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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