You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
