Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
