I want to have your abortion
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
