i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
