Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
