So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
