You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
