Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
