Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
