Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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