I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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